A Few Thoughts

Today is moms birthday she would have been 56 years old. I have such mixed emotions over everything lately. Somedays its so easy and I can smile and all is well. Then there are days like last Sunday that I had to leave sacrament and stand in the bathroom for a good 20 minutes just to begin to calm myself down because I was bawling so hard from a story read about someone dying around Christmas. Its crazy and I just never know when its gonna hit. December is so hard On December 2nd she had been gone for three years. So between that and her birthday and being a mom at Christmas time its a little rough. Some things ive really missed about my mom lately are... just her, her laugh and smile, her crazy stories, her cooking, loving my kids, her babysitting/cleaning services, my dad and her going on dates, grandma's haircuts/ seeing her at work, my family feeling whole, everything! I feel so lucky so have had her for 25 years of my life. I'll be fine after today now that I can put the 18th and 2nd behind and look forward to Christmas with a true smile. Im sorry im sure this is a convoluted mess, its just bits and pieces and some random thoughts.